The gradual release of each child as an individual, in making their own decisions, is key in motivation. God never makes us do anything. Our children can become motivated through consequences and rewards, which should be determined according to how much time and sincere effort they put into their chores and schooling. 1. Let them know that their privileges will be based on the schooling (and/or work) performance for that day or week. You could make a list. These could be as varied as home-cooked meals, telephone use, go places, being dropped off at the movies, a friends house, playing video games, etc. Make sure they understand this plan and that that you will be firm about it. 2. Hands off! Allow your child to choose their activities for a whole week - without coaching, without reminding, without a word! The worst that could happen is that they choose to do nothing all week. Let them GO! Let them have a blast all week. It is far better to let them do nothing at all so that they realize the error of their ways now, while you can! All the while you are observing all their choices in life and taking notes because next week the accountability will start and THEIR choices will determine how much freedom they earn for themselves. 3. Administer consequences or privileges. If you've already told them they cannot do this or that, if they haven't fulfilled their responsibilities, you don't have to say a word about why you are doing what you are doing or why they are not going anywhere. The following week they WILL discipline themselves! - no arguing, no questions! When they see a long enough time go by without you begging, pleading or asking them to lift a finger for them they will start to see and think for themselves. 4. Praise and encouragement goes a long way in these situations. IF they honestly don't do a good job then it's up to us to show them how it's done or even how we like it done. 5. Be firm and consistent in the consequences or none of this will work. Often our children take for granted the things we do for them. If our older children don't pull their weight, then the things that cost money should not be available to them. (For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. 2 Thess. 3:10) They are old enough now to start realizing that ALL belongs to you and their dad and NOT them. Nothing in this world is free and for anyone to think that the world's going to hand over anything on a silver platter is not how it is. If necessary, refuse to cook their meals - that's a privilege. Tell them they have to cook their own meals because they've lost their privilege of restaurant service. © Caren Cornell 2003 hstreasures.com All articles are copyrighted. Publications using more than an excerpt must contact us. Interested people may share with others or use exact excerpts in publications as long as following complete contact information is published with the excerpt. Copyright 2003 Lorraine Curry. http://www.easyhomeschooling.com EasyHomeschooling |
God never makes us do anything.
Praise and encouragement go a long way in these situations. |