Governing the Family
Adapted by Lorraine Curry
Searchlights on Health, Copyright © 1919.
  • Gentleness must characterize every act of authority. The storm of excitement that may make the child "move," bears no relation to actual obedience. The inner firmness of a parent who sees and feels a moral conviction and expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by harshness. The more calm and direct the parent is, the greater certainty it has of dominion.
  • For the government of small children, speak only in loving firmness, expecting obedience, yet never being harsh or unkind. The most important lesson to impart is obedience because God says to obey. The parent need not give "reasons." The question of salvation with most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. Obedience establishes a habit and order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This prevents skepticism and disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety.
  • Form in the child habits of self-denial. Pampering never matures good character.
  • Emphasize integrity. Keep the moral issues in mind. There is nothing more vital. Integrity is not forced, but assimilated. Nothing less should be expected. Prevent deceit from succeeding.
  • Guard modesty. To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but haughtiness can seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the miracle of grace.
  • Protect purity. Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth, and even some groups of adults, in society and in business places, sow seeds of improprieties of word and thought. Never relax your vigilance along this exposed border.
  • Threaten the least possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a roar of hostilities in the child's head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded by the child. Only the serverence of love is remembered.
  • Do not burden the child with too many commands. Leave a few things within the range of the child's knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have to much of it out to be redeemed.
  • Punish as little as possible. Sometimes punishment is necessary but the less it is resorted to, the better.
  • Never punish in a passion. Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good. "The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."
  • Never stop short of success. When the child is not conquered the punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper accompaniments.
  • Do not allow excuses (or blame). Do not ask of the child, "Why?" It delays the maturity of taking personal responsibility or makes liars. It is the part of the government to detect offenses. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty. The reason matters not. The offense needs to be dealt with, no matter what the reason.
  • Grade authority up to liberty. The growing child must have experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures.
  • Respect. Parents must respect each other. Undermining either undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love.

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